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Stuart was born in Clydebank, Scotland during the
Elizabethan Period of the Twentieth Century. Raised as
an only child in a family of eight he eked out a lonely,
solitary childhood. As a vehemently shy boy he struggled
to make friends and even Basher and Slasher, his
imaginary friends, shunned him. Stuart sought solace in
humour and by the age of five was writing some of the
funniest jokes ever written by a manically depressed
five year old from Clydebank. Tragically most of his
early work was lost in a fire that destroyed the small,
derelict shed that had become Stuart’s bedroom. The
following Knock-Knock joke is all that remains:
Small Boy: "Knock, knock."
Silence.
Small Boy: "Knock, knock."
Silence.
Small Boy: "Knock, knock."
Silence.
Small Boy: "Knock, knock."
Silence.
Small Boy: "Knock, knock."
Man: "Your parents have moved home – now bugger off and
leave me in peace."
Leaving school at the age of sixteen Stuart plunged into
the sordid world of electronics and computing. Moving
from job to job he tried to find happiness and identity
in the underworld of transistors, integrated-circuits
and microprocessors. For a short time he even worked as
an emitter-follower in a handsome cab lamp-fitting
factory. He tried his hand as an inventor, coming up
with innovative designs such as the inflatable
dartboard, the solar powered pacemaker and the full
scale map but for various reasons they all flopped -
even his brightest idea, the cardboard tent, slumped
miserably.
But his love of humour never died, and after many boring
years as a slave to the computer industry, he finally
returned to his only love – writing humour. Over the
past eight years Stuart has had fifteen books published
– some translated into around twenty languages.
Recently he left the tedium of computing to dedicate his
life to writing He has, however, taken a job as a
part-time Baxi-Burner Pilot Light so that he can still
afford the occasional scrap of food. Stuart is about
fifty-four, though his true age will never be known
as, bizarrely, his birth-certificate was used by the
arsonist who set fire the small, derelict shed that
was once Stuart’s childhood bedroom.
Other Books by Stuart McLean
include:
*
Lazy Sod's Guide to Sex
<- click to visit the website
* Ned Speak
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